Show of hands…how many of you have posted something online that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face? Is it because you’re somewhat anonymous, hiding behind a computer monitor?
Guess what. You aren’t!
Although there are millions of users on the various social media sites, it’s still a fairly small world because so many people are interconnected…your Friends are often my Friends!
I’m a bit sensitive about this subject right now because last week I commented on a Facebook post from a local TV station. They had linked to a story on their website and the title of the story was missing the correct punctuation. Because of this, the headline could be interpreted several different ways and I (laughingly) pointed this out. I was immediately lambasted by two other commenters. One said “I can’t believe your this stupid.” (And yes, that’s how she spelled your.) The other called me an “f’ing idiot.” Both people stated that they were professional writers and that the headline was written correctly. Mind you, I checked with my sources who are professional writers and I was correct—the punctuation was wrong. The funny thing is that in both posts from the “professional writers” there were several spelling and grammatical errors, and the man who called me an idiot misspelled punctuation!
It’s very important for me to point out that while I was offended by these responses (and gratified by so many who came to my defense), the first mistake was mine. I never should have publicly pointed out the error and I later apologized for it.
However, I will remember the names of the people who publicly ridiculed me and this brings up an important point: have you ever posted something that others might consider in bad form?
What’s past is past, but it’s wise to always think about how your posts will be interpreted…and remembered.
If you’re in the job market (or thinking of changing jobs), never, ever whine about your situation or complain about your current or former employer online. I realize this is a hard temptation to resist as we all need to vent and after all, these are our “friends,” right? Wrong. Depending on who you’re connected to, they may be close, personal friends, but they can also be casual acquaintances and business associates. No matter who they are, they may be in a position at some point to refer you…and they may not be willing to put their reputation on the line if you’ve come across poorly in your posts.
The same advice applies for those who may get new clients based in any way on their online reputation. Don’t ever give anyone a reason to question your professionalism.
It’s perfectly OK—and I personally recommend—posting about “non-business” aspects of your life. We work with people we know, like and trust and we get to know someone in part (or sometimes in whole) due to their online posts. But, as I’m fond of saying, follow the “Grandma Rule” —if your grandmother would say “What did you just post?!!”, then you shouldn’t post it! Or, to look at it another way, if you wouldn’t want your post to be the feature in your local newspaper, don’t post.
It’s always critical to remember that we are all interconnected. A recent article in the New York Times stated: “…the average number of acquaintances separating any two people in the United States was 4.37, and that the number separating any two people in the world was 4.74.” This is primarily due to the reach and use of social media, especially Facebook.
So, it’s wise to “think twice and post once” (to paraphrase an old carpenter’s saying). Please comment below about your thoughts on this issue!
Great post Deb. Very much on point. I also wanted to point out that you set aside emotions long enough to learn from the overall lesson that you experienced. So many people miss the lesson because they get so tied up in the negative emotions and then casting blame.
Good for you. And even better that you articulated it all so well on this post. Our virtual life and real life are so intertwined these days. I love the 4.37 degrees of separation stat you included. (I guess I’m that much closer to Kevin Bacon now!)
Thanks! While I was offended, I also was able to find it humorous – and it really was bad form of me to have made the first post. I’ve definitely learned that lesson!
The study the Times refers to was completed by Facebook itself, but it really has great data and broad implications. More than anything, it shows that we need to redefine the word “friend” – especially on Facebook, but on other social media sites…and in the real world.
Good post, Deb. I have been guilty of pointing out serious grammatical errors too. I imagine it wasn’t appreciated, but can we really continue to ignore the sloppy way even “professional” communicators communicate?
I have also had issues with the ‘appropriateness’ of comments posted on my wall. As you point out there is so much inter-connected-ness in the world. What do you do when someone won’t respect your wishes about what they post on your wall?
It’s a different world out there on the internet!
Great post and excellent reminder. I really like your “Grandma Rule”; I can easily imagine my very proper and well-mannered German grandmother reviewing my online activity. 🙂 It can be easy to forget that a posting is not the same as a one-on-one conversation with someone. I also tend to spot the grammar or spelling errors in articles and postings. I recently viewed a video by a professional speaker friend which ended with a disclaimer which began “The proceeding video was for educational purposes…”. I’m sure this was intended to be “The preceding video…” but I choose not to point this out with concerns I might alienate her with my “well-intentioned” comment.
Thanks again for sharing your online lessons.
Wow! I’m not sure that some of my posts would get past your Grandmother. She’d be a tough critic! I’ve only fallen into the trap of correcting someone’s grammar twice…and I did it in the same week. I guess I’d put on my “teacher’s hat” – but I’m now putting that away for good!
This is a good post. I have the worst spelling ever as you should remember from our school days together. I would not be so well as in my own mind be so Rude as to put it out there for to hurt or make someone feel belittled. I have always been one to just say it the person out right regardless of the out come. But that is just me. I don’t know how to change that it was how I was raised.
Patty – thanks and it’s great to see you here! Even if someone is being critical, it’s better to do that in person, rather than online. It’s very hard to misinterpret online comments. I’d intended to be funny when I was correcting the TV station’s post, but people obviously didn’t take it that way. It’s also very hard to defend yourself online. I did respond to my two “critics,” but they were long gone and I ended up just looking a bit foolish for drawing things out. I also felt badly that I’d taken the original post off in a totally different direction than they originally intended. So, I deleted my comments and apologized. I try to never correct someone’s spelling and grammar – after all, no one is perfect! – and I’ve had incorrect posts myself. If we get so stressed about posting “correctly,” we can lose the authenticity of our posts. And to me, authenticity is key!
I think everyone does that at some point. Last year I left a pithy note on a newspaper’s website pointing out a serious grammatical and spelling error in one of their headlines. Got flamed by other readers for being too darn anal and who cares about the headline as long as the article is well-written. Which in all fairness it was. But I also get annoyed by people who supposedly should set a better example, especially if they are in the public eye as much as a newspaper is. Oh well, we all have our little tics.
I just find it so odd that people are so willing to “flame” someone they’ve never met. I suppose it is primarily due to the fact that they know they won’t ever meet them in person. I definitely know that I get a bit anal when I read – whether it’s online or off. It’s just so easy to double-check spelling, grammar and so on that I just don’t understand when the media doesn’t take the time to do it. To me, it’s just part of the credibility of the story.
Something else to note: Many media sources are quoting posts received on their Facebook pages when they report the news. I see this on tv news often — “We ran a poll on our Facebook page and XYZ replied:….” So, be wary of posting rants on media sources for that reason alone!
Good advice as always, Deb!
Lida
Reputation360Book.com
I’ve had to giggle at some of the posts the media quotes during a story! But, on the other hand, a well-written response is more likely to be featured than one they have to edit. Always wise to choose one’s words wisely…especially when dealing with the media.
Excellent post, especially during this political year. You want to see nastiness, go and check out political and religious posts. I can’t believe how people just slam each other without realizing that what was posted will live forever.
Actually the latest Tebow craze has caused some nastiness on the social media platforms. Those in favor or not in favor of his ‘tebowing’ has really created amazing conflict in the social media air-waves. As a conflict resolution strategist, I’m still amazed how people think nasty posts will not affect their reputations. My motto is, if you can’t share your comments and/or posts with your grandmother or mother without offending them, then don’t share on any social media platform.
Politics and religion are always “touchy” subjects to post about online. And for some, football falls into at least one – if not both – of these categories! I saw someone’s post on Facebook that essentially said: “If you support xx candidate, please unfriend me because I want nothing to do with someone as stupid as you are.” Really? I thought part of why this country is so great is the ability to have differing opinions – and to hopefully respect those opinions. It’s fine to have a healthy discussion, even when disagreeing, but it’s one should never get personal (and insulting) with it. To paraphrase you a bit, if someone disagreed with their grandmother or mother, would they call them stupid? 🙂
A round of applause for your post. Really Great.
Thanks!